Monday, July 23, 2007

Let me UPGRADE me...



Well my sorority sisters, Jade and Princess, that came in town for the Beyonce concert are now gone. While they were here, though, they did make me realize how little I care about my appearance. Getting ready for the concert for them involved putting on makeup (of which I wear none), ironing (what's that?), all sorts of curling irons for their hair (my hair has been on strike), and fabulous outfits that just don't come in my size.

There once was a time when I could go out with my friends in college and feel like I looked just as good as them. I could shop in the same stores (even though I wore a bigger size) and be on the same level of cuteness. Now I feel like I'm not up to par. I just don't have the wardrobe anymore to even qualify for the pretty girl trials. I started wondering why, when did I stop caring about how I looked? Or do I still care?

I assume it all started when I stopped being able to fit clothes in the "pretty girl" stores like Express and Limited. Clothes in Lane Bryant just weren't making me feel pretty, even if they looked good on me. I knew where they were from and it just wasn't cute. In addition, my hair is long and sometimes unruly, especially when I try to work out on a regular basis. So the ponytail just started being my thing. I never wore makeup though, just mascara and clear lip gloss (just started with the mascara). I guess I can always come up with a million and one excuses why I don't put much effort into my appearance.

I care. I really do. I think my ex said it best when he said, "People don't change until they get embarrassed." I don't embarrass easily, though. I've assumed the "I'm silly. I don't give a damn" persona. But that doesn't mean I don't feel ashamed. How is it that I'm so driven in so many other aspects of my life, yet this part of me is left? I guess we all need something to cry about.

8 comments:

mer said...

And now it's time for another Carrie Bradshaw moment: “And why is it that we can see our friends perfectly, but when it comes to ourselves, No matter how hard we look, do we ever see ourselves clearly?”

Tracie, honestly, you are so talented and so adorable, how could someone not love you? You are such a beautiful person inside and out! We all feel insecure in our skin once and awhile, but I assure you, you have nothing to cry over!!!
LOVES!!!!!
mer

Tracie said...

thanks Mer.

Chrissy said...

hey, don't forget, mer's gym has a basketball court.

mer said...

FIRST!!!!!

Tracie said...

Actually Mer...you're supposed to put "first" in the FIRST comment. Secretly, you missed your opportunity. Thanks.

Ken said...

Sixth!!!!

I think it's just the PC atmosphere and life. I don't think I've ever been this bummy, or self-aware of my bumminess in my life. LOL. I'll make up for it when I'm all grown up with a job, a personal trainer, and a closet full of reasonably priced clothes from Target.

Andrea said...

"Honey suck it up and put your big girl panties on!!!! You are a beeeaaauuuttttifffuulll person inside and out? I have NEVER known you not to care (xcept for the occasional times in high school when we BOTH came to school looking crazy during finals or just because). Despite what you think (and it doesnt matter what you think...only me ;-) )you are always cute, always pulling attention (silent or loud), and you always have talent and a smile that outshines your company. So no more tears baby girl! Imperfections...you wanna talk imperfections...call me and I can tell you some REAL imperfections. Love you!!! Now turn on some Beyonce and get your groove" says your high school best bud!

Tania Rochelle said...

Ah, Miss Tracie. Count yourself lucky and smart. Too many girls (women) spend 95% of their time agonizing over bra fat or whether the crotch of their jeans hangs funny, and they do this at the expense of broadening their minds or enriching their lives.

You don't have time for that shit. And you're beautiful anyhow. Bonus.