Monday, February 25, 2008

My life update pt. 1

I know it's been awhile since I've written something. I just haven't really been myself. The fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, always smiling Tracie hasn't been around lately. I've been going through a lot.

The main thing: Remember back when I wrote about my visit to Planned Parenthood? How it was the greatest pap visit EVER? Yeah, so I should've known something would go wrong. My pap smear results came back abnormal and after more testing it was clear that I had to have a cervical biopsy. I learned that I would need the procedure back in January (around the time school was just starting back) and I couldn't stop thinking about it. It didn't help that my mom told me that my grandmother found out about her cancer through an abnormal pap. It also didn't help that cancer runs through our family like crazy. My mind went all over the place. I thought, what if I'm the first young person in my family who gets it, what if after all these years of being on birth control pills I'll have to have a hysterectomy before I even get the chance to have any kids, what if...

The biopsy sucked. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Well, maybe my worst enemy. I still don't know my results (which probably sucks more than the biopsy itself). I haven't been able to focus 100% on school. My work has suffered and probably at the worst possible time. A time when people are looking at my work and really judging me. I mean really, judging me - all across, up and down.

But that, folks, is a different story.

10 comments:

1/3 of what I used to be said...

hey tracie,

I just wanted to say that I am praying for you. My sister went through the same thing. It was very scary( I think I cried more then she did) but everything turned out ok. Just because the test says abnormal doesnt mean that its cancer or something serious.

Thanks for being brave enough to share whats going on with you. I hope in some way letting this out it will help put your mind at ease. I wish you the best.

BLESSD1 said...

Sorry to hear that you're going through it, luv. You'll be in my prayers.

Monie said...

Hey Tracie,

First, please know that you're in my prayers.

I understand 100% what you are going through. The majority of my early pap smears were abnormal and I too had to have a cervical biopsy. I have also had a LEEP procedure. Nothing like your doctor telling you that he doesn't want to cut out too much of your cervix because he wants you to be able to have children one day.
Cancer runs in my family and I can remember knowing for sure that I'd be next.

Thank God that wasn't my reality and all my pap smears (I go every 6months instead of once a year) have been normal. I'm sure those are some scary thoughts you are living with right now but trust in God and you'll be fine.

(((hugs)))

A journey to find me said...

Hey Tracie,

My sis told me to stop by your blog. I am going through the same thing. I was very upset to hear that my pap smear was abnormal and that I had to have a biopsy. But my doctor said I didnt need surgery at this time. Real reassuring right?

The best thing to do is think positive and pray.Just trust in God and he will see you through your time of need.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and you are in my prayers

Jaime said...

tracie,

haven't checked in on your blog in a while, but i just wanted to wish you luck and tell you that i know how scary that abnormal pap result feels (mine came out that way last year), but i'm pulling for you and really hope yours will be ok too.

hang in there : )

Ty said...

Trace,

You know that I'm praying for you as well. Keep your head up and know that I'm here for you.

kuh reel yuh said...

:-( You'll be obeykabey. You know the coalition is here if you need us. :-) xoxo

nywele said...

thank you for sharing such a personal moment with us. I wish all the best. i had the same procedure done in september.I actually didn't give myself a moment to think about it and just work a lot so that i won't deal with it. I hope all will be fine. like a journey to find me, i don't need a surgery right now but i am being monitored..
best of luck.

Anthony said...

Deep in prayer for you, TM... It's going to be all good, and that's on everything!

You're too bright a light to too many people for too heavy a burden to be placed on your shoulders.

Faith.

Silvia Gerard said...

hey tracie!!! I love to read you and listen you by youtube!, I don`t know if your results are ok.. I had the same thing on
10-2007 and everything was ok.. I hope you as well... Don`t worry!:o)
hope to know more about you!