Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Tracy D. Roberson

At Portfolio Center, our teachers tell us to google ourselves frequently to make sure that we don't have incriminating evidence online for prospective employers to find. So I've been googling myself, but recently came up on something that could be very damaging if someone doesn't know me that well.

A lady named Tracy D. Roberson is in a crap-load of trouble. Her husband came home and found her in a pick-up truck with a strange man wearing only underwear and a robe. Thinking fast, she quickly told her husband that the man was trying to rape her. As the truck tried to flee the scene, Mr. Roberson got his gun and shot 4 times, one bullet hitting the "rapist" in the head, killing him instantly.

See the thing is, Tracy D. Roberson wasn't being raped. She was just having a fling; she'd been seeing the "rapist" for a while (as confirmed by text messages she sent him). The kicker is - her husband (the actual shooter) isn't being charged with anything. He was just trying to protect ole crazy Tracy. But Tracy is facing a 20 year jail sentence. Hadn't she ever read the Boy Who Cried Wolf?

Anyway, get more on that story here.

Now back to me. This lady, Tracy D. Roberson, although her name isn't spelled like mine, her middle initial is for Denise (mine is for Diane), and she's 35 years old, is one of the FIRST things to pop up when I google my name (Tracie Roberson). A lot of people automatically spell my first name with a y, even if I spell it out for them, they also spell my last name Robertson, but I digress. This could be very damaging for future employers to find. And now that I'm thinking about it, old classmates or anybody that's trying to find me might think that this crazy Tracy is me if they don't take the time to read the whole story!

I'm crazy enough as it is, I don't need some REAL crazy lady's stuff linked to me in no way, shape, or form.

As bad as it could be for me, there's a gospel singer named Tracy Roberson who's around the same age as crazy Tracy, who might get it worse than I would. That's why you should spell your name CORRECTLY...T-R-A-C-I-E period. Get it right.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Such a pretty face

It seems like forever ago when I didn't worry about my weight. When gymnastics and cheerleading was all I knew, or ever cared about for that matter. But now, I'm just that girl; the "thick" girl who tries to act like she doesn't care about it, but secretly does. I've made so many excuses: my mean ex, birth control, hanging with skinny people who love to eat, no more gymnastics or cheerleading. But what I've yet to do is DO SOMETHING about it. I can never keep up with a diet and workout regimen. It just seems so impossible. Mentally, I'm just not there, yet I want nothing more.

It's so funny that bigger people know every way to lose weight. When my friend Jade was getting married, she consulted me on weight loss tips!! Mind you, she's always been like a size 2 but is probably now a size 4 or 6. We figured out that she used to eat every 2 hours or so, but she'd recently started only eating once a day, thus slowing her metabolism.

Such a perfectionist, and this one thing I just cannot get right. It defeats me everytime. Because no matter my efforts, one slip up and it's all over for me. For example, I lost 7 pounds over break. As of this morning, I have now gained those 7 pounds back. UGGGHHHHH!!!! Why oh why? I know why, but why me?

I guess there are so many other bad cards I could've been dealt. I could be looking like Flavor Flav right about now.

Maybe I should start taking comfort when people say, "You have such a pretty face." Gee, thanks.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Should I be married?

All my friends are getting married, or pregnant. It makes me think that somehow I'm (even though I don't feel I am) behind. Today I went to my former co-worker's baby shower. It was fun seeing all the peeps I used to hang with at Countrywide Home Loans. It's funny that I was in a relationship for 7 years while all my friends were going out, doing the single thing, and now it's totally reversed. Now I'm dating (don't wanna talk about it), and they're all starting families.

I'm happy with all the decisions I've made that have gotten me to where I am today. But there is a small part of me that wishes I'd done everything the way my friends did. You know, party hard in high school and college, stay single until after college. Then maybe find someone to waste 7 years of my life. NAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Never mind. I'm cool.

But here's to all my friends who have made the plunge:

Jade married Delvin May 2007

Rhea married Bailey April 2007, and is about to pop!

Drea's been married for like 3 years now.

Meghan and Ryan are to be married October 2007.

And my former co-worker Cynthia who is just married and is also about to pop. (accompanied by Akisha and me)

Honorable Mentions go out to my bestest friend Sherri who got married in February 2007 and is pregnant, the majority of my high school graduating class (some of whom were parents before we graduated), and all of my friends who have live-in boyfriends now who are undoubtedly next. I don't have pictures of all of you, but just know that you all were mentioned.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Friday RAP-UP

I've added something exciting and new to my blog; I'm calling it the Friday Rap-Up. It will be a song of some sort that I've written to highlight something in my life or some world event that happened that week.

Last Tuesday a couple of my writing cohorts and I ventured to KFC for lunch. KFC recently joined the "healthier fast food" effort by removing trans fat from their FRIED CHICKEN. Uhm, secretly, I'd like them to know that if people want FRIED CHICKEN they aren't expecting it to be healthy. Just leave all the freakin fat in there, GEEZ!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Let me UPGRADE me...

Well my sorority sisters, Jade and Princess, that came in town for the Beyonce concert are now gone. While they were here, though, they did make me realize how little I care about my appearance. Getting ready for the concert for them involved putting on makeup (of which I wear none), ironing (what's that?), all sorts of curling irons for their hair (my hair has been on strike), and fabulous outfits that just don't come in my size.

There once was a time when I could go out with my friends in college and feel like I looked just as good as them. I could shop in the same stores (even though I wore a bigger size) and be on the same level of cuteness. Now I feel like I'm not up to par. I just don't have the wardrobe anymore to even qualify for the pretty girl trials. I started wondering why, when did I stop caring about how I looked? Or do I still care?

I assume it all started when I stopped being able to fit clothes in the "pretty girl" stores like Express and Limited. Clothes in Lane Bryant just weren't making me feel pretty, even if they looked good on me. I knew where they were from and it just wasn't cute. In addition, my hair is long and sometimes unruly, especially when I try to work out on a regular basis. So the ponytail just started being my thing. I never wore makeup though, just mascara and clear lip gloss (just started with the mascara). I guess I can always come up with a million and one excuses why I don't put much effort into my appearance.

I care. I really do. I think my ex said it best when he said, "People don't change until they get embarrassed." I don't embarrass easily, though. I've assumed the "I'm silly. I don't give a damn" persona. But that doesn't mean I don't feel ashamed. How is it that I'm so driven in so many other aspects of my life, yet this part of me is left? I guess we all need something to cry about.

Saturday, July 21, 2007


Wow! That's all I can pretty much say. Sitting in section 117, my friends and I were off to the left side of the stage. We couldn't see head on, but we saw everything going on behind the scenes. Of course my mouth was wide open the entire time. AND GUESS WHAT!!!!! Remember that dance "Crank dat Souja Boy" (also known as the Superman) that I posted in an earlier blog as my favorite fun dance right now? Beyonce totally did that dance at the concert! I got so crunk when she started Supermaning dat hoe!

All in all, the concert was everything I was expecting and more. Beyonce pointed people out in the audience like, "I see you in that striped shirt," or "I like that Beyonce shirt you got on." I was secretly praying that she'd point me out so that I could know that Beyonce actually saw me. But, she didn't.

When I got home I told my mom all about the concert; I told her I wanted to be Beyonce. Then my mom went on to preach to me about not wanting to "be Beyonce," but wanting to be the best Tracie I can be. She told me that it's okay to look up to Beyonce, but I shouldn't want to be her. Secretly I still do. I just think she's classy, hella talented, and beautiful with a body that makes men drool. And maybe when I say I want to be her, I really just mean I want to be as Beyonce-like as Tracie can be.

When she was on stage, I was imagining myself being one of the background singers or being somewhere on stage near her. Like if I could just touch her maybe whatever she has would rub off on me. I know, I know, that sounds hella stalker-ish. But really, I'm just a huge fan. I bought a t-shirt and a poster for my room. I wish I had all the money in the world so I could follow her and go to every concert performance. I had a blast!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

My data blitz

At Portfolio Center (my school), certain kids get selected to do what's called a data blitz. It's supposed to help the other students get to know you a little bit better; maybe it gives insight to your personal world, or it could just talk about your experiences at school. It could be whatever you want it to be. I think almost every student prays that their name will not be called as it means extra work thinking of something to do, and actually getting it done on top of every other assignment you have at PC. THEN, as if that weren't enough, you have to present your data blitz to the entire school before seminar. Well, last quarter my name got called but I didn't get to present my data blitz until this quarter, today.

It went over way better than I expected. See, I'd watched it so much myself that I thought it wasn't funny anymore. But PC enjoyed it, even Hank (my school President) laughed a couple of times!

Anyway, here it is for all to enjoy again, and again.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

American Idol - My experience

I recently purchased Elliot Yamin's CD. He was the "regular" looking guy on American Idol two seasons ago. His voice was always the bomb to me, so as I was perusing the aisles of Target one day last week, I picked it up. His ballads are amazing, especially the remake of Donny Hathaway's A Song For You.

It reminded me of when I tried out for Idol. In 2004, at the Superdome in New Orleans, me and like 200,000 people waited in line for hours in the sweltering New Orleans heat. People were singing in line, some voices were amazing and surprising, like the tiny, white girl who looked to be about 16 years old who sounded like Chaka Khan or somebody. Then there was the guy we all nicknamed "Usher." He was cute, and he was kind of dressed like Usher with the whole big belt buckle and blazer look; when he sang a tear fell down my cheek. His voice was absolutely beautiful.

After I was assigned a number they said to be back at the superdome the next morning before 6am. Some people stayed the night in the superdome (I heard there wasn't a lot of sleeping going on because people kept singing all damn night), but I went back to my hotel watched the MTV VMA's and practiced in my room alone. My friend Jade came down to support me, too.

The scene was unreal the next day. Miniature pop stars were everywhere, and music filled the dome. Loud voices, soft voices, we even heard one dude who sounded exactly like Akon (which was weird). Section by section the auditioners were herded down to the field and assigned tents to audition. There were about 10 tents on the field which had 2-3 judges at each tent. And because like 5 sections went before mine, we pretty much knew which judges were letting people through and which judges were not. Of course I got the crappy tent number 5. They seemed to only be letting guys through. You could tell that maybe they had an agenda as far as what kind of show they wanted that season.

In rows of 4 we all inched up to the judges tent, then one by one we performed until they politely said, "Thank You." My song was a little something I wrote to the tune of Heatwave. It talked about how bad Ryan Seacrest's breath was...it was like a "Heatwave." My favorite line: "...could it be the devil in me or does his breath smell like some dog pee pee, it's like a HEATWAAAAVE!" I thought I was making my point, because even though the song was stupid, I sang it well.

After we finished, they asked all four members of my row to approach the table, and told us all that we weren't different enough for this season. And we left the field. My friend Jade told me to run off excitedly even if I didn't make it, so I did, that was pretty funny.

The experience was draining, emotionally and physically. I told myself I'd never do it again. It's not really a singing competition until you get to see Simon, Randy, and Paula, and even then it's always about something extra. Whatever they're looking for that season may or may not be you. That season, it wasn't me. What if it was though? My CD could be in Target right now. (...and then I woke up)

American Idol: something I can always say I tried.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Snake Baby

My cousin Kristal sent me this YouTube video. It's sad, but you just wanna know more.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

TOP 5 Blogs

I really don't read other people's blogs on a daily basis with the exception of my writing teacher Tania Rochelle (who writes everyday). So when my blogging instructor, Alissa Walker, asked our class to post our top 5 blogs, well I had to go find some. So here they are in no particular order:

Brown Sista- This blog is all about African American celebrity women and the things that they are doing, personally or professionally. I'm usually not so big about celebrity gossip, but this one talks a lot about Beyonce so it made the list.

Little Brother's myspace blog - Little Brother is a hip hop group out of Durham, NC. Members Phonte and Big Pooh have a blog in which they just talk about the things going on with their album, on the internet, or with the world. They do a little something called "Great moments in Negro cinema," where they re-enact a scene from a famous black movie and post the video, too funny. This blog is just funny and entertaining, period.

Tania Rochelle- This is my writing teacher's blog. Mostly her blog consists of funny anecdotes about her kids and animals, and she also does Friday Nostalgia where she posts a video from back in the day. Tania can find something interesting in anything, so I find her blog is always entertaining.

Beyonce Fan Blog - Anyone who knows me, knows I love "The Yonsay," as I've lovingly dubbed her. She is the queen to me. All hail Beyonce. With Beyonce it's usually a love or hate relationship with most people. I'm one of the lovers. And all haters, be so kind as to leave your haterisms in your head. I don't care, you won't change my mind about her. Plus, I don't talk about people you like, so I don't wanna hear it. Na-na-nee-boo-boo...you know the rest.

Random Good Stuff - This blog is just what it suggests: Random Good Stuff. It has everything from weird pictures, to videos, links to free stuff, new things coming out, just anything and everything you could possibly think of. It made the list when I found the Read a Book rap video on there that I posted yesterday.

So if you wanna check out some blogs, these are the one's I like. Of course, check out my fellow PC bloggers, because they always rock the house. How 'bout I turn the tables to see what you like - suggest some blogs you'd think I'd be interested in checking out(that aren't Beyonce-hating blogs, that's just not cool).

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Read a book...

Besides the language, this video says everything I ever wanted to say.


Friday, July 13, 2007

Do your dance on the floor...

One of my favorite things to do is dance. I remember back in "my day" we had dances like the "MC Hammer," "Roger Rabbit," "Tom and Jerry," "Cabbage Patch," "Wa'p," oh, I could go on forever. I always said that I wanted to be that cool mom who knew how to do all the dances that the kids were doing (it's a big hit at parties). So in order to keep up with the kids, occasionally I'll be posting these random new dances that I've found on YouTube and have attempted to learn.

The first one is pretty weird looking and I don't think I look really cute doing it, but it shall stay on deck. It's called "Crank dat Roosevelt."

The next one is my FAV right now. It's so fun to watch that you just wanna get up and SUPERMAN DAT HOE. It's called "Crank dat Soulja Boy," also known as "The Superman"

and here's the white version

after further investigation I found this: "Crank dat Batman"

And you can't leave Spiderman out, can you? Here's "Crank dat Spiderman"

So it seems as long as you're crankin something, you'll do fine.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

a designer...not so much

So I had the reveal for my Darfur poster today. It got ripped. Not literally, but the judges who came in just totally destroyed my poster and in essence my spirit. Seeing the other beautiful posters done by the clearly more talented design students really humbled me. I think I didn't choose writing, maybe writing chose me. I mean, if you could see the work that surrounds me as I type this blog in class right now, you'd be astounded. They all look perfect to me and hearing the stories behind each one just flabbergasted me. We all really had 5 days to complete this poster, mine looks like it was done in 1 day, everyone else's looks like it was done over 2 or 3 months. They are that descriptive, that compelling, that effing awesome. I was never that great at concepting a design anyway, but it definitely showed in class today. But this is gonna be just as I suspected, a challenge. I'm always up for one. Fears and tears baby, that's what it's all about. This is what I'm paying this school for, because if I were just totally awesome at everything the school threw my way, I'd think it wasn't worth the money, the time, or the effort. I need to be taught things, different techniques, different ways to think about different things. I think like me and it's so obvious (at least to me) in every thing I do. Not that I don't want to be me anymore, but I want to open up my mind to new ideas, and teach my hands to execute thoroughly. Right now, I don't think my hand-mind coordination is up-to-par. At least not in comparison to my classmates. Don't worry, I'll get it. I'm just like that friend who gets your joke a couple days after you've told it; I'm late but eventually I do get it. I can never quite wrap my brain around making my thoughts visual without words. I'm a writer fish, in a design fish bowl.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

weird things I used to eat

With my newfound love for Edy's Fudge Tracks Light Ice Cream so abundant, I've noticed how much my tastes have changed. For example, I never used to eat just ice cream. It just wasn't my thing and the gas that came along wth it was fun for no one. Now I must have my nightly bowl of Edy's.

When I was about 8 or 9 years old, I had a thing for lemon frosting. No cake necessary, I'd eat the frosting straight out of the tub. I remember it had to be cold, though, otherwise it wasn't that great. Now it just doesn't seem so appetizing.

You know how some kids ate boogers, be it their own or some random person's? Well, I ate something which, at the time, I thought was way less gross than boogers. My nasty bodily secretion of choice: earwax. Yup, I used to think it tasted bitter and salty at the same time. Mmm-mmm good. Who wouldn't want a big glob of bitter, salty wax pulled straight from it's maker? I don't know when I grew out of the earwax eating phase, but I'm definitely glad I did.

Maybe my earwax snacking was curbed by another weird craving I started having at 12 years old - eating salt. You know how your tongue is broken down into different taste sections? Like bitter on the side, sweet on the tip, salty on the back of the tongue. I used to pour salt in the palm of my hand, lick a finger, dip it in the salt and put it on the back most part of my tongue (as far back as I could get it without gagging). Eventually this was my number one snack. I kept a cup of salt on my nightstand hidden from my mother who thought that there must've been "something lacking in my system." The thing is...I still do this one.

I'm almost 27 years old so I've been eating salt for like 15 years now. I guess some things never change.
(btw, my blood pressure has always been normal)

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Darfur Crisis

So I've been working on a poster for one of my classes on the crisis in Darfur, Sudan. In case you aren't up on what's going on over there, I'll give you a ghetto breakdown. Okay, so the government was neglecting this whole region, right? Darfur. So then, some Darfur people got together and was like, "We gon get ours," so they went and raided the government for like weapons and loochie and stuff right? Okay so, get this, the government was like HELL TO THE NO! And the prez gave weapons and money and stuff to the rival tribes of the folks that went and got what they needed from the government. So these rival tribes haul off and kill errybody (with the government's permission)! In short, the government is sponsoring the complete wipeout of this entire region (which they were neglecting to begin with). President Bush has declared it a genocide over there(like on Hotel Rwanda), but still nothing has changed; this has been going on for 4 years now and over 400,000 people have died from disease or violence. It's ridonkulous.

So I started thinking, could something like this happen in America? There are a lot of powerful people in the U.S.;people with money, people who could get away with this. What if all of a sudden President Bush was like, "At this time, we are doing away with all Italians," and he didn't give y'all a headstart or anything. And he gave the military commands to kill any Italian on sight. You wouldn't be able to leave the country because you'd have to show your passport and then you'd get shot immediately, especially if your name is like Panozzo or Mozzerella.

If you think about all the crappy stuff the world has gone through to get us to this point, I don't put anything past anybody anymore. I could be over in Africa with a whole tribe of folks who look just like me (of course I would look completely different, but you get my drift), but I'm not. Because it was somebody's idea to cart us over here. Somebody always got an idea.
Damn thinkers.

Monday, July 9, 2007


Since mid-May I've been struggling with a terrible disease. I didn't know exactly what it was at first. Because I don't have medical insurance, I was just asking random friends and family (my mom) what they thought it could be. The "it" I speak of was a big, circular, dry-looking, itchy purple patch that magically appeared one day on my upper stomach. My friend Jade diagnosed it as ringworm. She told me to put tough actin Tinatin on it and it'd dry right up. After two weeks of Tinactin-ating it with no avail, I sought out other advice. My mom was unsure. She thought it could've been some sort of eczema rash, or even psoriasis. Friends at school diagnosed me with leprosy (well, really just Chrissy). Finally, I had to take action. Suddenly, it seemed, over 15 new (albeit smaller) rashes had appeared all over my bosom and back. I revisited the dermatologist I used to go to when I was a responsible member of society (when I had a job). She was really nice and only charged me $50 (she even threw in a Syphillis test for free. YAY!). Turns out the terrible disease I've been fighting has a name: Pityriasis Rosea. The doctor said if left untreated it could've formed a Christmas tree pattern on my back. If you ask me, she was a little too excited about that information. The big one on my stomach has a name, too: THE MOTHER PATCH! Wow. That's a little dramatic for me right now. Hi, my name is Tracie, and I have a mother patch. (Hi Tracie) I was prescribed a steriod called Prednisone; it tasted gross, and I think it made me gain 2 pounds (it couldn't have been because I haven't exercised at all).

As of today -

It's still effing there!
It looks extra gross on this picture, maybe because it is! The darkness around my "mother patch" happened when I found out my stomach skin isn't fond of bandaid adhesive - good times, good times.

Here are the neck twins -

Those two little dark patches are the culprits. They aren't nearly as gross, neither are my bosom "buddies" (as I've lovingly dubbed them), but annoying and itchy nonetheless.

This is how bad it could've gotten -


Guess I got lucky, huh? In all, the doctor and I counted 18 spots. This girl's blog said she's covered from her hairline to the tops of her thighs!! DANG!

I did this blog really as a forewarning to anyone who may see me scratching my bosom, neck, back, stomach, or just scratching in general. It's not nice to stare, some people have diseases ya know!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

The love of my life, right now.

Every night I call on you. You soothe me at my darkest hour and enhance me in my brightest light. I've watched others befriend you all of my life, always wondering why. But now I know. That numbing effect you have on me, I have no words. That sweet taste left lingering after you're long gone keeps me coming back. How is it that I've missed so many years of not having you around, only to be in your company on birthdays? I'll never make that mistake again. Now I know your power, the absolute sheer power of you. I'm so glad I never prejudged you because you are light and I am not.
I love you Edy's Slow Churned Fudge Tracks Light Ice Cream.