Monday, November 24, 2008

Back off the wagon.

The Kool-Aid man is my dealer.
The Kool-Aid is my drug.

I had weened myself off of Kool-Aid several months ago because I was on the weight loss tip and needed to cut my sugar intake. But I couldn't dare throw those packets of powdered goodness away. Recently, I had absolutely nothing to drink and wasn't about to venture out into the Atlanta cold to purchase something. I thought about what I had at home. I had sugar and my kitchen faucet was working. And I had never forgotten about the Kool-Aid packets at the bottom of that drawer. The answer was right in front of me.

I hadn't forgotten my recipe. And the preparation all came back to me as if I'd never stopped making it. Hot water, so the sugar will dissolve. Tropical Punch and Lemonade blend. Fill a cup with ice to prepare for the both warm and cold first sip.

And oh, what a good first sip it was.
And a good second sip.
And all the following sips.
Until it was gone.
Not the cup, the pitcher.

And I made another. And another.
I haven't stopped making Kool-Aid since.

My name is Tracie. And I'm addicted to Kool-Aid.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I don't want to be famous.

Youtube is weird.
People think they know me.
People want to know me.
People recognize me when I'm out.
All because I talk about my life on the internet.
When it's written like that, it doesn't sound so smart.
It sounds like something my mother would warn me not to do.
"Don't do that Tray, you never know who's watching you." My mom would say.
And she may be right.
I mean, I'm normal.
But that doesn't mean that some weirdo-maniac-stalker type person isn't out there in youtube-land falling in love with me.
And all my different hair-do's.
I've already had one semi-nice-but-also-strange guy call me his "cyber wife," uhm, what's your name? Because I don't know you and I never got my wedding ring.
I've had people try to get my address to send me "gifts."
I've had people recommend places and times and dates for me to go out to eat, probably because they were sitting there with knife and binding rope in hand.
I've had people try to offer me jobs on TV, all they needed me to do is meet them for an "interview."
I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand that I'm out there in the world now.
People tune into me. People miss me when I'm gone (or at least they say they do).
I have 2051 people who subscribe to my videos (as of Nov. 17th). And there's probably 2040 people subscribed to me whom I've never met in person.
I like making my videos.
But I don't want to be famous.
I don't want to be famous enough for people to want to sleep outside my house until they die. I don't want to be famous enough that my life isn't just my own anymore.
Can youtube do that?
You bet your life it can.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

What's the skinny on me?

I wish I could look that happy on a scale.
I've been struggling with my weight since I can remember. I grew up on Jenny Craig food (because my mom was dieting, not me) and skim milk. And when my mom and I moved from Chicago to Mississippi, she started cooking a lot of things I just wouldn't eat. I can remember coming home from school one day and my mom was de-furring a DEER in our kitchen, that her husband had hit with his car (I think on purpose) on his way home. And if that doesn't make you want to live in Mississippi, try cooked squirrel and rabbit and ew, raccoon. Needless to say, when I got a car, any fast food place was where I was headed. So I fell into a fast food trap. I don't dislike any fast food. As much as I try. My least favorite place is Arby's, but if I went there I could find something I like easily.
In my family, there are the big women (me, one of my cousins, my mom, and my gramma) and the skinnies (everybody else). I guess I'm not as big as I used to be; I have dropped a pants size from this time last year. But I'm no where near where I want to be. Where I've resolved to be every New Year since I was 18. This weight thing has claimed so much of my life. I've tried everything, too. I guess the only thing I can to is keep trying.

Side note: Is it wrong that I have a pair of skinny jeans? heh.

Monday, November 10, 2008

History has been made. And I'm alive!!

What can I say?
Barack Hussein Obama has been elected the 44th president of these United States. I must admit when I voted for him, I felt proud. I think I even smiled a little bit, okay, a lot. I would've voted democratically no matter who had won the primary, but yeah, it felt great voting for an African American president in my lifetime. Here it is 6 days after the votes came in and I think I'm still in shock.

Just seeing the jubilation of people all across the nation on TV. Calling my mom and hearing her tear-filled testimony of how she'd learned the news. It's just more than anyone could've expected, I think. I don't ever remember time (since I've been on earth) that our country was so excited about the president we chose to elect. I swear this is gonna be a holiday. You know, just like how Washington and Lincoln used to have their own holidays before some hater lumped it all into President's Day.

I was talking to some of my old classmates from PC the other day and they brought up a GREAT point. One of them mentioned that Barack was initially Michelle Obama's intern. Michelle has some political/leadership experience of her own. So maybe Michelle should pull a Hillary and run for president after Barack has hopefully completed his 8 years. That would be AWESOME! Because then I could vote for both a black man AND a black woman for president in my lifetime. Boy, my grandkids are gonna get an ear-full. Heh.