Mr. Long Name UPDATE

So I found Mr. Long Name on Myspace. Why is his name Darnell? Like, in real life that's his whole first name. On his Myspace page he has Darnell and then he has "John" in quotations. So I guess he could've told me his name was Darnell and then said, "...but people call me John." On the whole page he talks about himself in the third person. I've renamed him Creepy McCreepsterPants. How's that for long names?

GEEZ! REALLY? REALLY! No seriously, REALLY?!?!?!?