My life update pt. 1

I know it's been awhile since I've written something. I just haven't really been myself. The fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, always smiling Tracie hasn't been around lately. I've been going through a lot.

The main thing: Remember back when I wrote about my visit to Planned Parenthood? How it was the greatest pap visit EVER? Yeah, so I should've known something would go wrong. My pap smear results came back abnormal and after more testing it was clear that I had to have a cervical biopsy. I learned that I would need the procedure back in January (around the time school was just starting back) and I couldn't stop thinking about it. It didn't help that my mom told me that my grandmother found out about her cancer through an abnormal pap. It also didn't help that cancer runs through our family like crazy. My mind went all over the place. I thought, what if I'm the first young person in my family who gets it, what if after all these years of being on birth control pills I'll have to have a hysterectomy before I even get the chance to have any kids, what if...

The biopsy sucked. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Well, maybe my worst enemy. I still don't know my results (which probably sucks more than the biopsy itself). I haven't been able to focus 100% on school. My work has suffered and probably at the worst possible time. A time when people are looking at my work and really judging me. I mean really, judging me - all across, up and down.

But that, folks, is a different story.