...and my back really hurt; it's supposed to be good that my mother's a nurse.
Actually, I woke up on Christmas day with a pain in my upper back. It felt like a muscle sprain or something of the sort. My mom gave me some pills last night and when I woke up this morning I was actually okay (sort of). My mom and I were off to try to grab some post-holiday deals and when I turned my head, put my hand on the headrest of the passenger seat, and started to back my car out of the driveway, the pain returned - FULL FORCE! It really caught me off guard, I even lost my breath for a minute. And I have a high threshold for pain, brought about from years of my mother telling me to count to ten when I hurt myself before she'd do anything about it, but I digress. My mom was convinced my pain was not a muscle sprain, but gas.
This is our conversation at Target:
Mom: What you need is some Tums or Mylanta.
Me: What? What kind of solution is that to a sprain?
Mom: That's not a sprain, you ate too much macaroni and cheese yesterday.
Me: Is this what you tell your patients? Like oh, you have a bone protruding from your leg, must be gas. I'll get the Tums, but in the meanwhile do some jumping jacks!
Mom: Remember when you were little how I used to make you run around the house to get things moving? It works.
Me: Can we not talk about this now, please.
Mom: Is it the upper back or lower back?
Me: Upper, like in between my shoulder blades.
Mom: Mmmm hmmmm, gas.
Me: How is that gas? You would've said it was gas no matter what I said.
Mom: (to cashier) Do you not have Tums up here?
Cashier: No ma'am, not up here.
Me: *spewing evil eye darts at mom*
Mom: (whispers to cashier) She doesn't want you to know that she has gas.
Me: (internally) WTF...I DO NOT HAVE EFFIN GAS!!
Cashier: *uneasy giggle*
Me: Wow.
Mom: We're gonna have to hurry up because I need to release my bladder.
Me: Double wow.
Let's just say, I can't wait to embarass my kids. Oh, it must be much fun if my mom is still doing it and I'm 27 years old. Geez!!