Thursday 13

13 reasons why EXERCISE and I don't get along: (in random order)

1. Sweat activates my hair's natural curl pattern (increasing nappage).

2. Treadmills have a weight limit (I've convinced myself that I exceed it).

3. My boobies laugh at the alleged support of sports bras.

4. I think endurance is a TV show on the Discovery Kids channel.

5. During workout "water breaks" I grab a Snicker bar.

6. I like to breathe, normally.

7. When I wear workout shorts they ride up in the middle ultimately causing RITs (Raw Inner Thighs). *If your thighs don't touch, know how blessed you are to never have experienced RITs.*

8. You can't workout in scrubs; I've tried.

9. I've learned that when my body overheats, my old disease flares up. My body actually rejects burning calories.

10. In order to relieve soreness from a hard workout you have to workout AGAIN. That's a conspiracy in itself.

11. I'd have to wake up earlier to fit exercise in, or miss something TOTALLY AWESOME on primetime TV that night (I prefer to do neither).

12. I've been known to pass out in extreme heat. So during a video workout when I start to feel faint, I sit down and watch the tape to the end.

13. It makes me extra aware of my uber-jiggliness. In the end, I get pissed and start eating my favorite ice cream.